Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Individual Worth

I have been thinking about this post for over a week now. I finally have a free moment to write it down. By free moment I mean I am listening to the sweet night time lullaby of my 2 year old crying at his door because he doesn't want to go to bed.

A few Sundays ago the relief society lesson was on Individual worth. The sweet sister who was teaching started off by asking what are things the world makes us think are things we need to have worth as women. Everyone had a n easy time shouting out answers such as fake nails, bigger body parts, designer clothing, big house, money, perfect children, etc etc etc. You get the idea right.

Then she asked what makes us actually feel our self worth. Temple attendance, scripture study, prayer, service, family and so on.

It really made me think about where I have been putting myself lately. I'll be the first to admit I always have a hard time feeling self worth after I have a baby (by after I mean 12 months) I really do struggle not being able to fit in clothes and having that pesky love handles that just don't go away. I have struggled feeling good about myself. Not only do I fret about my physical appearance but I am often hard on myself. I feel I so often fall short of the mark. I have yet to get it through the day without having moments I regret in my parenting. I lose my temper, I don't listen and out down something to play with my kids, I don't have the patience to answer "What That? I see it?" for the millionth time(no exaggeration given). I feel I am not always a great friend, I take offence sometime when noone is tryiing to offend me. I feel sometimes I am rash in what I say and might offend others. My kids are far from perfect and I feel sometimes it's my fault.

With that said I also feel like I try . I try to listen to the spirit and act upon promptings. I try to be a good mom and teach my children good principles. I am working on being patient. I am trying to stop thinking so much about myself and more about others in my family. I am trying to be less judgmental. (It's true I am judgmental I have come a long way but my poor family has often got the blunt end of my short comings.

Anyway I was pondering all this during the lesson when the sister, asked if anyone had an experience when the Lord has helped them feel their worth. A sister raised her hand and shared an experience that really resonated in my soul. I asked her if it would be alright if I blogged about it because it was so personal and she said it would be. Let me give you some back ground information. I don't know all the details but I will share what I know.

About a year ago this sister was training for a triathlon. She was riding her bike and had a terrible accident. It ended up with her being in the hospital with bones spurs in her spine and her ability to walk affected. She was confined to a bed, because of this she got a blood clot and had 2 strokes. The second one caused a speech impediment. She couldn't even speak for a while now she communicates wonderfully only she repeats herself. For example she might say "Hi nice to see you, hi nice to see you". Back to the story she shared. "I was at the temple recently. I have been really frustrated lately with not being whole. I was at the point where you have to speak to progress. When I get emotional my impediment gets worse and I just couldn't get it right. I sat there and struggled with it for almost a half an hour and still could not do it just right . When I was finally able to go into the Celestial room I felt the words 'I accept it'.(During this whole story her impediment was affecting her speech) I knew even though I could not say it perfectly that Lord accepted what I was able to do"

As I sat in the red plush chair watching Hanna roll on the ground in front of me I was overwhelmed by the spirit. This sweet sister who I truly admire was sharing something so personal. And all I could think about was how I often felt frustrated with things in my own life. Though in comparison my trials are not so bad. I also felt how much the Lord really does value me and how he sees my worth even when I lose sight of it. I know God loves me, I know He sees great worth in me. Though I am not extraordinary in many of the ways the world would have you think. I am special to him and what I do with full purpose of hear the accepts. I am grateful for the examples of those around me and the opportunity to learn and grow. I know the Lord accepts my best, even when it fall short of what is best.

ps. I did not right this to fish for compliments. I am happy with who I am and Who I am trying to become. i just wanted to share this experience because truly felt the spirit and wanted others to know God sees great things in them even when they can't see them themselves.


Alli Easley said...

Can I tell you right now that I just adore you? I would never just give compliments to give compliments, but really, you are amazing. I can't tell you how many times you've helped us and every time you do you teach me a little more about love. You're seriously one of the most humble women I know and you're such an example to me.

I totally know how you feel though about self worth. I struggle with it daily. As a matter of fact, I can't tell you the last time I felt a single pang of value for myself. It's something we have to learn to overcome I guess, right?

Mary said...

Oh Jackie, I sure miss you. First, you are wonderful. None of us are perfect. You were there when I needed you whether it was watching kids, talking in the driveway, or just saying hi as I walked down the street. I really do miss seeing you. Secondly, thank you so much for this post. I have struggled my whole life with low self worth and am just barely starting to realize that I do have value and that as long as I'm trying my best that is all the Lord asks of me. While reading this post I truly felt like it was the Lord's way of sharing this message with me because I needed to hear it. So thank you.

Lana said...

I love you dude. :)

Burrows: places of retreat; shelter or refuge. said...

I'm glad you told me today that you wrote this post. And, I'm glad you wrote about that incredible experience in RS that day. I came home and told Richard about it at dinner time, but I didn't even think about writing it down. Thank you for your wise words. I'm really lucky to have you as one of my best friends!

Britt said...

Jackie- this is Spencer- I just read your blog- which is odd, because I don't typically make a habit of reading other blogs- but I was very touched by your message. I have a sister in law who often blogs what she is feeling spiritually- she does it so often that it comes across as showy, sac religious (not sure on the spelling on that word) and insincere- your post however resonated very differently with me and my testimony was strengthened tonight because of what you shared. Thank you.

Stacy and Blair said...

Love it. Thanks so much for the inspiration! I get very involved in what the world thinks women need to be like and I've struggled with self worth OFTEN. Such a good reminder of what's important! Thanks.

Stacy and Blair said...
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RCA said...